Thursday, December 01, 2005

R.I.P. My Subprofile, 2002-2005

You know what they say -- all good things must come to an end. Especially when they start becoming bad. The last few days, me and my subprofile had a bit of a falling out. Now, I was good to her, even when she wouldn't work for days, act shifty, change her appearance without telling me. I mean, we'd go days without communicating sometimes, but it didn't get in the way of what we had. Then I find out, from friends no less, that she had gone some 5 days ignoring everyone, being unresponsive, telling them to try again later. Well, there's no more later. I told her straight up, I need space -- that 10,000 character limit just ain't cutting it.

See what I did there? I metaphorically compared my time writing my subprofile to having a relationship! That's that cleverness that's gonna get this blog noticed WORLDWIDE! Who knows what could come out of that? Maybe ESPN will notice me, hire me to be a special assistant to Stuart Scott, listening to current hip-hop albums and coming up with new catch phrases for him. I can see it now...

"Yo S-Dub! [I assume he likes to be called that] Next time Lebron James dunks on someone, you could be like, 'Lebron is that ISH, set him in a Pampers!' Or if Brian Griese throws a touchdown, you could say, 'Everything is easy baby, leave it up to Griese baby!'" [Lil' Wayne's hot right now] Then he'd be like "BOO-YAH!" and leap in excitement, his glass-eye jiggling just slightly. That'll be the day.

But for now, it's all about this shit right here. I feel re-energized, almost like Howard Stern switching to Sirius. No longer confined to an AIM window, no longer unable to post links and photos, all my shit automatically archived. Sky's the limit, word to Biggie.

To celebrate this event, I threw a secret party deep in the Hollywood Hills, with invitations extended to all the biggest stars. And what a gathering it was! Jessica Alba was all smiles... and all nipples.

I'm actually gonna kill the whole "secret party" schtick right now, I just needed an excuse to put that picture up. I doubt anyone's mad.