Friday, May 12, 2006


[Back when I used to blah blah blah, things were simpler; I limited most topics to 1 paragraph and then talked about something completely different right after, most of the time with no transition whatsoever. For the sake of sweet, sweet simplicity, I'm about to try that again right now.]

This Sunday is Mother's Day, so don't forget to tell your mom you love her. And if you don't want to say it for the sake of the holiday, at least say it for that one time, back in sophomore year of high school, when she helped you bury that body in the backyard. Remember how supportive she was of you that day? You felt like you were the only person in the world to have ever gotten the brake pedal confused with the gas pedal on your 1st day learning to drive, but she was right there to tell you that everything was all right, and how many people she ran over back when she was your age. So, remember, Sunday is her day -- tell her how much she means to you. Murderer.

Think that was low? It wasn't -- this is. And if the tidbit in there about "the nation's largest strip club" is in fact referring to the Sapphire in Las Vegas, then that means that I've gotten lap dances at the same place as... well, just click that 1st link.

Now that I've have some time to think, next season's Lakers won't actually be this season's Knicks. I had a lot of emotions running through at the time I made that post -- anger, concern, disappointment, just-lost-thirty-dollars-ness -- but reading through Lamar Odom's season-ending press conference, as well as some words from ex-Laker Mark Madsen, has given me some encouragement. I'm happy to see that they haven't gotten over the Game 7 travesty just yet, but I'm confident that they can put it behind them soon enough. In retrospect, they did make the playoffs with a rather-questionable roster, and they pushed the 2nd best team in the Western Conference to a 7-game series (and kudos to the Suns for showing that they too can get thrashed in an important playoff game). For this progress to continue, a few things basically need to happen:
  • Kobe has shown that he can take over games single-handedly as well as successfully play team basketball, now it just comes down to learning the game situations where each style is most appropriate.
  • Odom needs to develop a most consistent jump shot, which he sounds very positive about doing.
  • Kwame needs to start off next season like how he finished this season, being more assertive offensively and more comfortable with the ball. Also, he has to realize that everybody has a poor game every now and then (probably more often for Kwame) -- the way he was pounding his fist in anger after every missed baby hook shot in Game 7 showed that he was letting it get to him, so it was no surprise that he'd always miss the next one and the Suns would take advantage.
  • Luke has to establish some sort of offensive weapon, be it a mid-range jumper or a drive to the basket -- he's shown signs of both, but never consistently.
  • Rony Turiaf needs to lose a few pounds -- he's shown potential to become a high energy big man off the bench, but considering his heart problems in the offseason, he was clearly out of shape.
  • Andrew Bynum needs more playing time, assuming he can do more stuff like this. On his now-defunct MySpace page from back in his high school days, he said he doesn't drink or smoke (though he also said he'd like to become an "ontrapanure", or some other crude misspelling of the word), so he must be focused; that coupled with learning from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar must mean good things.
  • A point guard is acquired who can play at least moderate defense, hit open jumpers and occasionally create his own shot. The Lakers could trade Chris Mihm or any combination of current Lakers not previously mentioned for one (Mike James, Chris Duhon), and/or test the free agent market (Speedy Claxton, Bobby Jackson, Marcus Banks, Sam Cassell as a long shot), and/or land one in the draft (with the team's #26 pick, UCLA's Jordan Farmar, Illinois' Dee Brown, and Florida's Guillermo Diaz could be available... no, not that Guillermo Diaz).
  • Oh, and throw a nice farewell party for free agent Devean George. Of all the Dynasty-era Lakers that have since departed, he'll be one of the most missed. Might I suggest a marble cake?
On the topic of farewells, today was my last day of work at the Alternative Copy Shop in Isla Vista. With the coming month presenting my college graudation, my current lease ending, my last quarter of finals, and Extravaganza next Sunday (E-40! Pharcyde! For FREE!), I figured it'd be best to take my leave now. I'm pleased to say that I resigned on a high note, though I'm hopeful I could convince them to say they laid me off so I could collect unemployment for the next few weeks. I'll miss a lot about this job that I've held for close to 2 and a half years (damn!) -- the friendly staff, close to home, the "people watching" element, hooking up friends with free copies/readers, steady hours, paychecks, and so on. But the one thing I'll probably miss the most, which I won't miss any immediate time soon, is dealing with customers. Sometimes there would be instances that were funny, sometimes they'd be aggravating (those tended to be the funniest), but plenty were memorable. I could go on for hours reminiscing about the local dirty crazy bearded vegetarian who made massive amounts of copies of his hand-written non-sensical theories of why carnivores are the devil and handed them out to people outside (did you know he really likes ketchup... straight from the bottle?), the number of students who became irate when we didn't have their readers ready and proceeded to verbally tear us new assholes despite providing us with their name, phone number, and a class that they're enrolled in (not that I did anything with that info), or the number of people who complained about our insane overcharging, such as 7-cent copies or the additional 50 cents for using a credit card when their total is under $5. And sure enough, my last day was not without an instant classic: this cute brunette comes in, white, petite, soft-spoken, needing to send a fax, when she gets a phone call
and her ring tone goes off -- Everyday I'm hustl-in', ev-everyday I'm hustl-in'...