Do something important and you can smash Lindsay Lohan in a week

Can't say I'm at all surprised, but got damn this was quick. So quick that it's kind of gross, not to mention the fact that they look like brother and sister.

Larry Brown may be in a time warp

Apparently, he's stuck in 2001 or some time in close proximity to that year. Considering how forgetful older folks can get, I'll admit that it could be confusing -- the President is still the same, Nelly is still making god-forsaken hit records, and Larry has convinced himself that he hasn't yet won an NBA championship and thus is still trying to put together the formula. His forgetfulness must truly have him thinking he's on to something by acquiring Jalen Rose and, as of yesterday, Steve Francis to start alongside Stephon Marbury in the New York Knicks' backcourt -- 3 guys who were in their primes in the wake of the 21st century, and have since proven themselves unable to lead a team far into the postseason (though obviously, Larry hasn't picked up on this yet; and to Jalen's credit, he did lead the Pacers in scoring in '99 when they made it to the Finals).

Pardon me for taking the alternative approach to this situation, as everyone seems to be bashing Knicks GM Isiah Thomas for making the trade, as if Coach Brown didn't give Isiah the go-ahead to do it as well. I mean, they seem to get along well enough. No Brokeback.



Regardless of who made what decision to further ruin the Knicks future, there is suddenly a renewed interest in the League's 2nd-worst team. I've been a NBA fan for some time and can't personally recall such a collection of trigger-happy players being put together -- Stevie Franchise, Starbury (don't those nicknames alone imply that playing them together won't work?), Jalen, Jamal Crawford, Quentin Richardson. The humanity! Not only does each love to shoot, but each has their own approach to how they love to shoot:

• Francis -- Your prototypical "shoot 1st, pass 2nd" player. Though he does rack up assists, playing with big men like Yao Ming (who's still soft as puddy, but does have a good post game) and Dwight Howard means you don't have to pass too much to get assists. Plus he has yet to average less than 3 turnovers in a season; something like that is somewhat acceptable for a Kobe or AI who'll put up 30 on any given night, but not for someone who's put 30 points only TWICE this season.
• Crawford -- Your prototypical "shoot 1st, shoot 2nd" player. He loves to shoot so much that he has allowed it to carry over to his atrocious defensive ability; perhaps he's confused as to why the guys wearing the different-colored jerseys don't pass him the ball. As streaky of a player as they come, JC will have a couple games a month where he'll consistently make his consistently ill-advised shots and actually affect the outcome of a game, usually one he has a personal stake in, like against Seattle (his home town) or Chicago (the team that traded him to New York and has since improved). Just the type of growth and production you'd expect from a player due over $9 million in 2010.
• Marbury -- Marbury, for all intensive purposes, is a true point guard, but having played for 4 teams in his career, being traded twice in his career during the season, and having minimal-at-best playoff success keeps him from shedding the "ballhog" image. In order words, he's the "shoot 1st" guy that everyone sticks up for. This time around, looking at his teammates, it's no wonder his assists are down, considering that once he passes the ball, he's less and less likely to get it back. The fact that he's a Brooklyn native will assure him that he never falls out with the hometown fans, though.
• Rose -- The fakest of the "point forwards" in the league, Jalen put up 11 assists in his Knicks debut and hasn't put up more than 5 in a game since. Playing for considerably poor teams these past few seasons, he's become accustomed to jacking up shots thinking that he's a team leader, ignoring the fact that they often don't go through the hoop. His occasional productive game where he passes the ball usually acts as a reminder to his fans that he can play the team game, before they all want to kill him.
• Richardson -- Like Marbury, you can't really be mad at Q-Rich for being a "shoot 1st" player, because he's always trying to put himself in a position to get open. Playing in Phoenix last year, with Amare Stoudemire drawing double teams and Steve Nash running the point, he was always open for 3's, and proved himself a shooter by winning the 3-Point Shootout at All-Star Weekend. Playing with the Knicks this year... well, not quite the same, is it? Q-Rich's tendency to roam around the 3-point line and try to get open seems to have affected the promising inside game he had with the Clippers, as he has visibly struggled in New York.

So how will all these pieces fit into the puzzle? I have no clue, and fortunately, it ain't my responsibility. Hopefully, Larry Brown doesn't end this season with an imprint of the palms of his hands on his face, since he'll be crying into them so much on the sidelines.

Linkovitch Chamofsky

I draw attention to the classic character of the frozen "Cro-Magnon Man"-turned-Estonian exchange student to mention that I've decided to expand on the "Links" section of this page -- I guess you could say I was, missing links (hehehe... shut up). Anyways, conveniently located to your right are the websites I frequent the most; they inspire me, yet at the same time prevent me from being productive. So, for all of you out there that want to be like me -- start from the top.

And coming soon, an IUTHAS exclusive: an interview with the RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan! By "interview", I mean to say that I won't be asking any questions, and by "exclusive", I mean to say that that I'll be joined by about a couple hundred other people, most of whom I won't know. To add to this exclusivity, I'll mention that it's taking place March 2nd @ 7 pm in Corwin Pavilion, and since the fliers don't say "sold out" yet, I'll assume tickets are still available.

'Til then, see you next time... weezin' the ju-uice.

I guess the "Lil'" has to come back now...

considering that Chris Brown made Bow Wow feel SO small in the Celebrity Game this past Friday...



IS YA MAN... ON THE FLOOR?...

No reason to buy this shirt now...

Not that there's any reason to buy any merchandise (although it's still available) that intended to "free" somebody, since in most cases they get free (i.e. Yayo, Pimp C, and now Darko) and you can't really wear it anymore.

Thus continues the strange days of Darko Milicic, now in the sunny confines of Orlando. I'd say it was a win-win for both sides. Pistons GM Joe Dumars has rid himself of his lone mistake during his tenure, no longer to be haunted by the "what-if"'s of having reconsidered the '03 draft, where at least 33 other players picked after Darko have had more productive careers. Detroit now frees up the cap space to help keep their NBA-best starting 5 in tact, and can continue to win games without having to worry about playing their formerly-prized Serbian. Darko, meanwhile, had his patience for sitting on the bench for so long rewarded with a championship ring that he did nothing to earn. He now has more rings than Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, and John Stockton combined. And it wasn't like he was hated in Detroit, either -- his entrance into games so often meant a win was imminent that he earned the nickname "the human victory cigar" (probably also because Piston fans wanted to set him on fire as well -- you know how they get in Detroit!). And his team never held it against him that he did nothing to help win games other than dye his hair for good luck. They saw what he could do in practice. [Practice? We talkin' bout practice?] Rasheed went as far as to say:

"I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster. Darko's got some bodies back there (in Serbia-Montenegro). He can go psycho on guys."

What kind of friend would go as far as to insinuate that you've killed people? Only the best, damn it!

Now comes the true test, the largest obstacle a European-born NBA player must hurdle -- making your team's city accept you. And this time, considering the current state of the Magic, sitting at the end of the bench until garbage time ain't going to cut it. Dirk Nowitzki got one of the largest cities in otherwise-untrusting-of-foreigners Texas to love a student from the "school of Germany". [Inside joke, unless you play a lot of NBA Live] Spanish-born Pau Gasol got Memphis to throw some rice and beans on to the side of that plate of ribs. It's all up to Darko whether in 2 seasons from now he's doing commercials for Disney World, or whether he'll fit in like, say, a Yugoslavian in Florida.

Sexual predators beware -- it's DipSet, bitch

It appears as if cooler heads have prevailed in the short-lived Cam'ron/Jay-Z battle. Considering that Cam's diss record really wasn't that vicious, and that Jay hasn't responded as of yet, I think it's safe to say both have moved on to bigger endeavors -- Jay is allegedly back in the studio doing what "retired" rappers do (that is, make new music), and Cam is out to hunt pedophiles on the internet. No, really.

I don't know what my favorite part of this story is -- Cam planning on releasing this as a DVD (no doubt with some bonus DipSet music videos attached), Cam having a vested interest in this issue, Cam watching MSNBC, Cam's manager being named 'Big Joe'... basically, take your pick. But it seems like Killa might be really serious about moving into politics in the near future. He's already proven that he's ready for war, now he's out to earn his stripes as a humanitarian, and what better to do so than by confronting pedophiles and asking 'em, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Ron Artest is hip-hop

From IndyStar.com:

"He celebrated his fresh start by christening a new jersey number. After wearing Nos. 15, 23, 91 and 15 again in his stops in Chicago and Indiana, he went for 93.

The inspiration for it came from a hip-hop album by the group Souls of Mischief called '93 'Til Infinity'. For Artest, the number symbolizes an unlimited future and a release from emotional burdens."

R.I.P. J. Dilla, 1974-2006

a.k.a. "Jay Dee" (the name change was to avoid being confused with the other, wack "J.D.") a.k.a. James Yancey, famed hip-hop producer and one of my personal favorites. As 1/3rd of The Ummah w/ Ali Shaheed Muhammed & Q-Tip, he broke onto the scene in '96 working on A Tribe Called Quest's last 2 albums, making his niche with beats comprised of soul samples and heavy drum kicks. He was also 1/3rd of Slum Village, one of the 1st hip-hop groups to rep Detroit, as an MC and producer on their '00 debut "Fantastic, Vol. 2", which was highly praised for its simplistic yet head-nodding production. In '03, he collaborated w/ Madlib (of "Madvillain" fame) to create "Champion Sound" under the name "Jaylib", an album in which Dilla and Madlib exchanged rapping and production duties on every other track, making for one of the most creative hip-hop albums of recent years. A little while later, Dilla's kidney problems became publicized, and tour pictures showed he was visibly losing weight. His latest solo work, an instrumental album titled "Donuts", was released this past Tuesday, and Dilla was touring to promote the album at the time of his death. Here's a quick list of some of the bigger songs he's played a part in making:

The Pharcyde - "Runnin'", "Drop"
A Tribe Called Quest - "Find A Way", "1nce Again"
Q-Tip - "Vibrant Thing"
Common - "The Light", "Love Is"
De La Soul - "Stakes Is High"
Busta Rhymes - "Woo Hah! Got You All In Check (Remix)" feat. Ol' Dirty Bastard

Once again, R.I.P.

Bikes and cell phones go together like...

... well, basically like any 2 things that could and, for all intensive purposes, can go together, but when they do go together, the outcome is typically bad, and in the worst case scenario, an accident occurs.

Sooo... bikes and cell phones go together like... hmmm.... Mexican food and bungee jumping?



NO ME GUSTA!

Got 40 minutes to kill?

If so, here's Dave Chappelle's appearance on Oprah from this past Friday.

If not, here's it is in simple, not-as-funny terms:

-- One of the final straws that led to Dave's abrupt departure to Africa was a white dude laughing a little too hard at a "black face" character while they were taping a skit. Damn, all this because of ONE DUDE! Motherfuck that guy!!

-- He seemed a little peeved at Neal Brennan (Chappelle's Show co-writer) for not sticking up for him in the wake of all the rumors about Dave being a supposed drug addict, party animal, mentally unstable, etc., etc.

-- And none of that shit was true, by the way. Neither was the report about him having pneumonia, or having writer's block, and any of the stuff that came out in the news before he left for Africa. Dave used these as examples of Comedy Central trying to control him now that they had invested so much money into him and the show.

-- That and being stressed out was pretty much why he left. Also, he felt like some of the skits he was doing were funny, but not socially responsible, and he didn't want to feel like he was hurting black people with his show (i.e. the aforementioned "black face" thing with the white dude laughing a bit too hard). And he only told his brother before he left, and told his brother who else to tell. He seemed to regret not telling his wife and kids at first. He said that he kept it so on the hush because in the wake of everything about him supposedly being "crazy", the last thing he wanted to do was publicize the fact that he was taking a retreat to South Africa.

-- He wants to do his show again, but he only if he can renegotiate his contract so that half of the DVD revenue will go underprivileged people. Much credit to Dave for trying to juggle $50 million with social responsibility, but I have my doubts that Viacom would be willing to go through with that deal.

-- And while I appreciate Oprah's interviewing skills, she definitely brought up the whole "50 million dollars" stuff way too much (on some Austin Powers-type shit) considering that Dave repeatedly says it had nothing to do with the money. Shit, half the time the graphic they'd show while Dave was talking said "Dave Chappelle -- Walked Away From $50 Million Contract". The fact that Dave was willing to turn down that money because he felt he wasn't doing right for it seemed really, really, REALLY shocking to Oprah.

-- And, lastly, to shoot down all the conspiracy theories, Oprah did find the skit about Dave getting her pregnant to be funny. They showed a chopped-out version of the skit (with "bitch" edited out, no less), and Dave's response was, "Everybody has dreams".

My Super Bowl prediction...

I will be very blazed while watching it. That's all I can guarantee.