Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Chicago Bulls (Schenschered Version)

Within my completely-irrelevant NBA season preview last year, back when I used to have a subprofile, I made the following prediction:

"Sacramento Kings undrafted rookie center Luke Schenscher will emerge as a key reserve for the team. I say this solely based on witnessing his performance for Georgia Tech in their game against Duke about 2 yrs. ago (the day before the Patriots/Panthers Super Bowl), which I watched while zoning off an eighth of mushrooms. I wasn't as much pleased by his playing ability as I was by his fun-to-pronounce last name. SHEN-SHUR. SHHHEN-SHUUUR. That's awesome. The red-haired Australian will quickly become a fan favorite following the 1st annual 'Eighth of Shrooms Nite' at Arco Arena."

So as to not bring into question my journalistic integrity, allow me to point out my inaccuracies in the preceding. First of all, Luke isn't Australian; he's actually from Cape Town, South Africa. Those pesky non-North American and non-European nations that breed mostly white people, I always get 'em mixed up. Secondly, Luke didn't make the Kings roster -- matter of fact, he was cut a few days after I made that post. And lastly, I was way off in assuming that he would be responsible for the complete societal acceptance of hallucenogenic mushrooms (still have my dreams, though).

I was not off, however, in predicting Schenscher having an impact on this season. Since signing a 10-day contract with the Chicago Bulls earlier this month and eventually being signed for the rest of the season, the Bulls are an impressive 5-8. On second thought, that record is pretty much terrible. But more importantly, since Schenscher's 1st day as a Bull, the Philadelphia 76ers, who currently hold the 8th and final playoff spot in the East while the Bulls have been in 9th most of the season, have gone 2-9, their lead over the Bulls dropping to only 2 games. So, while Schenscher hasn't really added anything to the Bulls, he has somehow been able to take something away from Philly. Like most young players is his position, Schenscher has wowed his team with persistence and hard work to make for lack of talent, strength, and in Luke's case, masculine-looking hair.

The Bulls find themselves in a comfortable position. They have failed miserably to fill the gap left in the middle when they traded center Eddy Curry to New York, and it has shown in their 31-40 record, yet they still find themselves a playoff contender late in the season. Furthermore, since they received New York's 1st round pick in this year's draft in the Curry trade, and Knicks GM Isiah Thomas has subsequently shitted all over his team, the Bulls will be in excellent position to draft someone from the top of this year's NCAA class. One possibility I was hopeful for was Gonzaga's Adam Morrison, who could've combined with Schenscher to provide the goofiest-looking white boy frontcourt known to man. Hopeful, that is, until he showed off his 11-year-old girl emotions in front of millions of viewers and thousands in attendance, sprawling out at halfcourt with his jersey over his face for at least a good 5 minutes.

Adam, you're scaring the children. Next time, take it the locker room. On the bright side, he managed to avoid curling up in the fetal position, which would've been embarrassing but a lot funnier.

In summation of all this, as the NBA season winds down, the Bulls may be on the outside looking in as of now, but they have an Irish-looking-though-actually-South-African four-leaf clover on their roster that shall guide them to the "Promise Land" of the 8th playoff spot and subsequent 1st-round elimination at the hands of the Pistons. God works in mysterious ways... and so does Luke Schenscher. SHHHHHHEN-SHUUUUUUR.