Thursday, December 15, 2005

Home is where the hatred is

Occasionally, time away from home is much needed. It's always nice to be somewhere new, even if momentarily (Eagle County, Colorado not included). For the Lakers, it's meant a complete 180 to their young season, as their 5-1 road trip has brought them to 2 games over .500 at 12-10. Those 5 wins include victories over 4 teams with winning records, with a margin of victory of 12.5 points in those wins. Kwame Brown showed up in limited minutes in the last 2 wins and actually looked like he could play, making some nice passes for assists and not being afraid to take shots. Kobe has shown that he can lead his team to victory without taking 30 shots a game (...sometimes). Phil Jackson isn't at anyone's throats. Kobe's kept his dick in his pants long enough that he can crack jokes to the media now (his response to getting kicked in the face during a drive to the basket in the Minnesota game: "My nose is a little crooked, man. I'm normally super, super sexy. I'm just super sexy now."), plus give himself the nickname "Black Mamba" (too many directions to go in with that one). Things are going pretty good.

But, you've always got to return home. As much as he tried to convince himself he didn't, Kobe had to take that flight back from Colorado and explain all them crazy allegations to Vanessa, buy her a $4-million dollar ring, cry at a press conference, and then break out the patented "I Love Vanessa" wristband (look closely).

I love her too, Mamba.

Now that the Lakers are returning home (Friday vs. Washington), they too have some splainin' to do. Mainly, why the FUCK CAN'T YOU GUYS PLAY LIKE THAT AT HOME? That atrocious 4-5 home record looks even worse considering that the Charlotte Bobcats were two blown free throws away from making it 3-6 (I got to stay high-i-i-i... oh shit, sorry). As always, I remain optimistic that things keep progressing from here, Kobe becomes less selfish, Kwame makes a name for himself, Lamar keeps putting up almost-triple-doubles, and Jeannie Buss makes sure Phil ain't taking no stress with him to work. Why? Because I can't totally ditch the Lakers and jump on the Clipper bandwagon. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for what the other Staples Center occupants are doing so far this season, and I really hope they'll continue cleaning up the tarnished image of the Clippers' history, but... when the Lakers and Clippers play against each other, I know who I'm rooting for.

Oh, and no worries, Vanessa, your man-on-a-leash ain't stickin' it to any more hotel maids. We'll keep his new "side-hustle" on the DL, though.

**cues "Endless Love"**